Top Ten Things to Do in Socks

1)Dance

Note to Self

Garf! Got home, callled up nations leaders, started monologuing, went to demonstrate my power by blowing up Mt. Rushmore, and realized I was so busy at the lab that I forgot to pick up batteries!! Ugh, so embarrassing!

Profile Picture

I've been getting a lot of emails asking who I am and what I look like. Well, I finally sat down long enough (somewhere other then in front of a computer) to get my portrait taken. Tell me what you think. -SP

Note to Self

Let bygones be bygones. Let me remember to do this today.

Read This to Someone You Love

I look at you and mafoot spink oo plon bonruth. Queesh charm could diddle keeks ten lop anorftment. Drefft angels copix vis your hair, soe doe pollyhoe. Dumble di diddy doo, hark hoocrack trimble tramble wolicot kiss. Shall dee beezal wook; agrape, agrimuss, agreefrom, agrouwfabble! Twee skree treety would never voop ti kloom gandergroom. (roofus beezane dilla spilla in the rain). Kwall defump shums skeez enchanting skeez e grufrumblurdurp. I lay my head to my hooshed pillow and joolums grife wook clahmens, messhear clahmens! Squazmire bliz clemmet…

Rodri hult to die, skwiz ma goo sqiun oefferbur. Treelala. Treelala grewbons! Faagroof rew dill krunderpill and cremlacks dotter millsen bax forever.

Triklonderly,

Your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Note to Self

One day I'll own one, but until then I have to rent.

Note to Self

Danger lurks everywhere. I must be prepared.

"Weird" Sandal Ad

Sandal ad found in Pensacola, FL. I guess they like funky feet (and their sandals cheap)?! Fellows, Florida often fawns over their funky footed friends fervently. I don't knowf! Back to the road!

Witty Litter

So I went to the beach, somewhere on Lake Michigan, late one night and found someone had left a bottle. I was angry at first and then I wrote this note:

“Hello my name Thomas
I’ve been on this island a long time.
(Picture of a fuzzy coconut with angry eyes and a frowny mouth) ←Angry coconut
I am thankfull for fish and trees.
I am both thankfull and unthankfull for the sun.
(Crude outline of a person with wavy lines coming out of him/her) ← Me with sunburn. OUCH!
If you have a plane, please fly it over me!
If not, send me your happy thoughts!

-Thomas”

[Back of the note]

“PS This is me

(Picture of my face with grizzly island beard)

My moustache is thin so I think I look like Abe Lincoln.“

I put the note in the bottle and I threw it out into the sea but I don’t think the tide was right to take it away and I throw like a girl. It washed up and I tried another time. I didn’t see it come in again but I didn’t look.

I hope I get off that island.

For a Fallen Tree

On the train (just now), a man in front of me had a spindly spider crawling in his hair. As I took stock of the situation, I thought it wise to keep quiet. There was no need for any unwanted hysteria. I waited.

I waited till the spider repelled a little bit. Then a little bit more to the width of a finger. I reached, snatched, shook, and threw the freeloader onto the ground (to let him fend for himself in that footed forest.) But.

No one noticed. No one cheered or even smiled. And this.

Is why I blog.

Music Video Concept (Abbotsford, WI)

A carriage drawn by dark black horses pulls up to a manor house sitting on a hill. The doorman opens the carriage door, and the band members, dressed in really hip old-timey clothes—vests, cloaks, shoes with buckles, etc.—emerges. They look around at the manor house and sprawling grounds. This place is sick!

The band walks toward the entrance. The drummer pulls out a handkerchief and wipes sweat from his brow. It doesn’t look like a hot day.

They set up in the sitting room and begin to practice. The sun begins to go down as they play their song. It is replaced by a FULL MOON. The drummer looks over and he gets like really scared. He tugs nervously at his collar. He scratches the back of his neck frantically. His arms and legs jerk uncontrollably, as he begins to transform into a werewolf! He must manage his transformation and keep the beat.

He is now a full-fledged werewolf and is wailing on the drums. He rocks too hard and his set is destroyed. He roars, the band turns to find the beast, and they are scared! He jumps through a stained glass window into the night looking for his next victim.

The rest of the band have become Van Helsings and carry big torches into the dark fucking night.

(Silence) A full moon looms in the sky, pregnant with malice.

Trudging through the moorish, foggy terrain, the band suddenly halts as they hear a sick drum solo. They pull out their instruments from their cases. They shine bright silver. They are girded and run toward the demon noise.

They come across the werewolf drummer’s demonic drum kit. It’s a mess of gore; coffins, mangled corpses, jagged crag, torn tree trunks, etc. He wails with bloody femurs for drumsticks, one still has a shoe attached.

The band plays their shining instruments against and with their former bandmate. It’s a true struggle but the werewolf overtakes them. He smiles a bloody, unholy, wolfy smile. He is too strong and they collapse.

Just then, a smoking hot chick comes into the clearing having followed the strange sounds, entranced. She is wearing a fancy corset dress and her tits are popping out! She and the wolf make terrible eye contact. They begin to run--her for her life and he in pursuit of fresh meat.

Her escape brings her to a cliff, maybe the last place she will ever be alive. The hot chick is doomed and her dress is probably torn a lot. He pounces on her. She screams as he goes to rip her fucking throat out with his heinously sharp fangs. At that moment, their eyes meet, and they realize they love one another.

For a moment, his clouded eyes grow clear. He regains his mind, and for a fucking instant, he is more man than wolf. Heartbroken and guilt-ridden, he realizes he is a monster and the only path to absolution lies in front of him.

He throws himself howling off the cliff.

A drum solo peels nasty as he falls. He lands with a vile crash of symbols.

(Silence)

As his former bandmates rush to the edge of the cliff with the hot chick and peer over, he breathes his last breathe as a man.

Get Rich or Die Trying

Money making idea #14

I feel unprepared for my day.

New Dance Move

So as I was waking one Memphis morning, my mind wandered to some ancient Greek inspiration that is going to set dance floors on fi-yire.

It’s called the Medusa and involves at least two people. Get Ready.

The Medusa: This person puts their hands on their head to recreate the head full of snakes. They dance around at their leisure and anyone who makes eye contact with the medusa has to turn into to stone and freeze in place. The person who cuts off the medusa’s head is the next medusa.

Have fun!

If the Clove Fits

Nelson's orders for my Friday lunch was a weird one but this is what I signed up for. I don't think any vampires are going to bother me anytime soon... or Amish people!

Something Shrimpy this Way Comes

Nelson's orders for my Friday meal. It had to have shrimp in it so I got some shrimp and grits in Cookeville, Tn. Pretty tasty but gave me stinky burps! YIKES!

On the Eaterstate

As I look for new experiences here on the road, I’m keeping my McDonalds and Burger King intake to a minimum and searching for off the road, greasy, home cookin that sticks to your ribs! On my way to Tennessee from South Carolina, I had the rumbly bumbling in my tummy and looked for just the right place.

It took me a while and a lot of back roads but eventually I found Paterson’s. Despite the oddly narrow parking lot, the outside was a good mix of professionalism and quaintness. The details on these places are what really get me. This wasn’t just a place of business it was a place for living. It was alive. You can really tell that someone had taken this place and made it their own; funky lawn decorations, swing on the porch and tree house play place. When I walked in, there were shoes next to the door! I gave them a tap with my foot to make sure they were real. They were and I almost took mine off!

I took a seat at a table near the kitchen and waited for my server. When she finally came (Get that emoticon that shrugs and makes a funny face), she was wearing dirty overalls and had dirt underneath her fingernails! I was a little nervous about my food but I was pumped at how real this place was. She asked me what I wanted. I asked her what the specials were. She was shocked so I just ordered a cheeseburger. These places have the best cheeseburgers. She got more angry and started screaming for me to get out. Maybe she hates cheeseburgers…LOL

Strike one. We’ll see what I find next.

Winsnow-Salem

I was hoping to get away from snow, but at least I found a sweet new army helmet.

Nelson's Orders

It's Friday and that means my friend Scott tells me what to eat for lunch. Thanks to Kahill's for the ice cream and french fries.

Capootal Shity

DC is beautiful place with lots of history and stuff but I don’t think it’s for me. I did toursity things and saw the documents that started this country. I saw some art and I took the obvious opportunity in front of the White House to recreate a scene from the masterpiece Murder at 1600 with the iconic Wesley Snipes at the peak of his game. This could have been a real inspiring moment for me as actor, but it wasn’t! I couldn’t have as much fun calling in the murder because there were cops everywhere (Find an emoticon making a silly disappointed face). It's a line that you really need to put emotion in and I couldn't invest!

In general, I felt all my instincts to walk silly down sidewalks, climb things, etc. would get me arrested, but also that feeling made me want to do sillier things, ludicrous things. If I spent another day there I would probably have been arrested for tickling people in rabbit costume or for trying to sit in Abraham Lincoln’s lap or for causing too much noise with a one man band machine.

Blibbity blee blah, Washington Dc, blibbity blee blah

14 hours down

and I'm in Washington DC. Look out the Senate here comes a filibuster!

Welcome to the Fartbox.

I’m hitting the road and I’m gassy so here is my blog. Also, the driver side window in the car I am driving doesn’t go down. Here are some other names that I almost went with:

Route Stinksty Stinks
Smelly Thomas
Carts = Car Farts
I’m on vacation except for my nose
Honk Honk Doo Doo
CaCaCar Trip
Stinky Tom’s Funky Road Journey
Stincoln Continental
Fart Away From Home
Doodoo, where’s my car?
Highway to Smell
Gastanky
Poop Deville

I wrote a lot of these at work and I couldn’t help thinking that if anyone were to look through my moleskin all they would find are my work schedules and my wealth of poop jokes.